To be honest i have no idea what my thesis was , so i don't think i was convincing anyone in my essay. I guess i was trying to form some sort of argument that would link war profiteering with free market and globalization ideology .
i always have problems with my thesis.
I think i had good evidence to support my thesis even if my thesis is vague.
I dont' think i have a conclusion and i could've done a bit more with the last paragraph, which i felt had some very good ideas. I think i would go back and cite and include even more evidence.
I think i cut the first paragraph a bit short .. maybe i should add another paragraph after that one that furthur explores my thesis and the link between the two texts i am trying to make
maybe maybe maybe..
edit-- i'll probably be adding two new paragraphs .. one is a conclusion and also elaborating on the second one and my thesis paragraph . hopefully i can get an even better grade. especially in the last paragraph i kind of just mulled over a variety of topics or specific examples without forming ideas about them or linking them to my over all argument .