Thursday, October 22, 2009

Revision Brainstorm

To be honest i have no idea what my thesis was , so i don't think i was convincing anyone in my essay. I guess i was trying to form some sort of argument that would link war profiteering with free market and globalization ideology .
i always have problems with my thesis.
I think i had good evidence to support my thesis even if my thesis is vague.
I dont' think i have a conclusion and i could've done a bit more with the last paragraph, which i felt had some very good ideas. I think i would go back and cite and include even more evidence.
I think i cut the first paragraph a bit short .. maybe i should add another paragraph after that one that furthur explores my thesis and the link between the two texts i am trying to make
maybe maybe maybe..

edit-- i'll probably be adding two new paragraphs .. one is a conclusion and also elaborating on the second one and my thesis paragraph . hopefully i can get an even better grade. especially in the last paragraph i kind of just mulled over a variety of topics or specific examples without forming ideas about them or linking them to my over all argument .


  1. Good reflections: to start, I'd look at the thesis issue.

    Go back to the sheet with the topics and see if you can figure out how you're answering it, turning your idea about free market ideology and globalization into a claim.

  2. On the post above this one, that would be great to see more about what that magazine is doing. We haven't been talking as much about immigration and the anti-immigrant movement that's so big right now, but it would be interesting to think about the connections to American power as we've been talking about it.